1. "I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug."
2. "I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands and fingers."
3. "I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. They whispered, 'They're right behind you.'"
4. "I told my computer I needed a break, and it started sending me job listings for lifeguards."
5. "I bought my friend a fridge for his birthday. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it."
6. "I don't trust stairs because they're always up to something."
7. "I told my friend 10 jokes to make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did."
8. "I named my dog 'Five Miles' so I can say I walk Five Miles every day."
9. "I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough."
10. "Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
11. "I told my boss I needed a raise because I'm so good at math. Now, I'm the proud recipient of a 'divide' end."
12. "I ordered a chicken and an egg online. What came first? The delivery guy. He was quick."
13. "I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough."
14. "I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down."
15. "I asked the gym trainer for a workout routine. They handed me a mirror."
16. "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"
17. "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
18. "My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I had to take his bike away."
19. "I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
20. "I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y."
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